I’m an 87-year-old man and have been married for 40 years. My spouse, additionally in her 80s, and I’ve slept in separate bedrooms for 30 of these, as a result of my loud night breathing. Even so, we had an excellent intercourse life, although much less steadily than I might have appreciated. I nonetheless have the urge to affix her in mattress (although I’ve erectile dysfunction now), to make her orgasm. However my spouse has by no means been demonstrative; I’ve all the time been the one to provoke a cuddle or phrases of endearment. She can not perceive {that a} man of my age nonetheless will get some pleasure on the considered intimacy along with her; she finds it unusual, even. However, when she reluctantly agrees to share her mattress with me (as soon as each two months perhaps), she is rapidly turned on and I could make her have an orgasm in minutes. I really feel so embarrassed, even odd, when she turns my request down to affix her in mattress. It even causes an argument, about which I really feel responsible … So what’s the reply? Am I odd?
You aren’t odd, and solely these with very quaint notions about intercourse would assume you’re. Sadly, there are nonetheless individuals who purchase into the prejudices that abound relating to intercourse in later years, and consider that sexual curiosity robotically disappears after a sure age. Quite the opposite, it’s totally regular and wholesome so that you can wish to be intimate together with your spouse at any age. Even when challenges akin to erectile difficulties develop (and, by the best way, that may be handled) there are nonetheless many types of intimacy that individuals can nonetheless get pleasure from – as you could have discovered. The pleasure, eroticism, soothing, enjoyable and connectedness which might be to be discovered from even non-penetrative, non-genital types of associate intercourse – together with touching, kissing, caressing, hugging and erotic dialog – are highly effective contributors to a cheerful and fulfilled life for younger and previous alike.
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Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual issues.
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If you want recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your issues to non-public.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one drawback to reply, which might be printed on-line. She regrets that she can not enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and circumstances.
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