I’m a lady and have identified that I’m bisexual since I used to be 16, however I’ve solely ever had relationships with males. I’m now virtually 30 and in a dedicated relationship of greater than 5 years. I like my accomplice, however after I take into consideration the eventuality of marriage, a mortgage and kids, I really feel a small surge of disappointment: have I missed the prospect to discover my sexuality? I assumed it might occur at college, or, on the very least, that I’d be capable to really be myself (overtly interested in girls). But I’ve by no means been one for placing myself on the market. Earlier than I knew it, I used to be in my closing 12 months and I had began courting my now long-term accomplice. I’m left with not a lot a conundrum, however a sense of loss for one thing I by no means had. The last word query: do you suppose it’s finest to only settle for I’ve missed my probability, and be glad about the dedicated relationship I’ve?
Solely you’ll be able to resolve what’s finest for you, and you would not be blamed for selecting security and stability over sexual exploration. Nevertheless, you wouldn’t be asking the present query had been you not deeply troubled by your emotions. Maybe there’s a manner so that you can strive connecting with a lady to whom you might be attracted – in an effort to discover the erotic potentialities in a non-physical manner ie with out sabotaging your major relationship. I’m not suggesting you might have an affair (though some folks in your place may select such a plan of action in pursuit of self-discovery) however reasonably, that you simply open your self a bit extra to points of interest and erotic indicators that you’ve got beforehand prevented. In permitting your self to be extra open on this manner, you may study whether or not your need for girls can stay a fantasy or not.
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Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual problems.
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If you need recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a quick description of your considerations to non-public.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one drawback to reply, which will probably be revealed on-line. She regrets that she can not enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and situations: see theguardian.com/letters-terms.
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